Posts Tagged ‘Parenting’

Summer Camp: The Kitchen of Human Relations

Tuesday, July 27th, 2010

Happy Campers: An essential ingredient

Beyond the incredible opportunities for personal growth, exposure to the natural world, and the connection (or reconnection) with one’s sense of wonder, camp provides campers a unique opportunity to build a community from the ground up.

Building these communities is a little like baking at high altitudes: there are plenty of modifications to the recipe you can try…but you are never sure exactly which one is going to work.

Take our recipe for a FANTASTIC cabin/unit community at Sanborn:

9-10 happy campers
2 dedicated, attentive counselors
1 personable, knowledgeable assistant counselor
3 tons of positive attitude
1 ton of mutual respect
100 lbs. of integrity
18 gallons of flexibility
10 quarts of compromise
80 lbs of problem solving techniques
5 buckets of perseverance
5 buckets of resilience
1 truckload of empathy
A bunch of new experiences
A dash (or 200) into the outdoors  for new perspective
An infinite number of amazing opportunities and fun to be had!

Teambuilding activities build community

That said, sometimes campers or staff unintentionally modify our ideal recipe.  Occasionally, some snarky comment gets spilled in, or a selfish behavior is added, or—in some cases—an entire ingredient is forgotten or substituted.  And, like the high altitude cake with incorrect modifications, you find yourself with a crumbly, grumbly, salty mess on your hands.

Yet unlike the adult world, where it is sometimes more admissible (and far easier) to just cut your losses and walk away…at camp, these are the people you are living and working with for the rest of your summer.  You have to figure out what went wrong and try to fix it…otherwise, your summer simply won’t be as sweet.

You never expect the first cake you bake at 8,600 feet will turn out perfectly (though you do hope it will be edible)—similarly, you cannot expect the desires, wills, values, beliefs, emotions, and hormones of 13 unique individuals to always line up and converge in perfect harmony.  So you tinker with the ingredients: you teach the staff some new problem solving techniques, spend time getting to know each camper very well, and you show everyone support, gratitude, forgiveness and empathy along the way.

Fun and silliness at camp!

It is easy to get frustrated with a crumbly cake or with someone you are living with…but the cake won’t respond to your irritation or anger any better than a person.  So, through the daily mix of ingredients in our living units, on trips, on activities, and everywhere at camp, we create a unique and ephemeral “Daily Special.”  Because of all the factors involved, a day at camp cannot be repeated.  Each day is unique, it never has been, or ever will be the same again.  Some leave a bit of a sour taste in your mouth, others will represent the high point of your life for many years to come.

At the heart of camp, just like at the heart of cooking, is the playful spirit and desire for fun, wholesome experiences—the experiences that all campers and staff are seeking from their summer in the Colorado mountains.

And the best part?  There are NEVER too many cooks in this kitchen.

The Sad Letter…Why You Might Be Happy to Get One

Wednesday, July 21st, 2010

Signing up for trips in the yurt

As parents (and, perhaps, former campers ourselves), we have so many expectations for our own child’s camp experience. Thus, if we receive a sad letter from our child while he or she is at camp…we are truly disappointed.

Our first instinct is to call camp and make sure everything is alright (visions of our son or daughter sobbing alone under a tree are not uncommon). This, in most cases, results in a calming conversation with either Mike or Julie, or our child’s counselor or ridge leader.

Many children, and plenty of adults, suffer from some degree of homesickness while they are away from home. How we, as parents, deal with the occasional “sad” letter speaks volumes to our child about how much we believe in their ability to deal with adversity. That said, it is INCREDIBLY hard for us as parents to stand back and allow our child to develop his or her own resilience…especially when WE were the one who put them in this position in the first place.

A letter from a first session parent accurately describes this emotional dichotomy in an incredibly healthy way. By communicating her concern, providing specific information, and asking for the necessary reassurance from camp, this mother was able to get past the “sad” letter and get solid information about the health and well being of her daughter without directly impacting the daughter’s camp experience.

Always laughing at High Trails

I have received two letters from my daughter so far.   One of the best things she wrote was that she and one of her cabinmates were laughing so hard so couldn’t breathe.  I can imagine her having SO much fun!  In the second letter though, she expressed some homesickness.  I am sure you guys deal with this every day but I just wanted to pass it along so you can share it with her counselors.  She  can often hold her feelings inside and no one would even know she might feel sad.

In her letter she wrote, “I miss you SO much. It hurts so bad. I want you to come visit and I need you. Please come!” Of course as a mother, I want to step in and give her a big hug and make her feel better. So perhaps, you can give me some guidance. I cannot drop everything and come visit, and I am guessing that would not be a wise solution. Maybe she is doing fine and just wrote at a moment of sadness.

I am not sure if you ever allow kids to phone their parents or if that would help. Please pass this along to her counselors and any advice you have for me would be greatly appreciated.

On the whole, phone calls home are even harder than sad letters for both the campers and their parents. It is not unusual, if a child does call, for there to be much sobbing and begging…only to be followed by that child joyously running out of the lodge with an enormous grin on her face ready to go on her river trip….and a very distraught mom or dad on the other end of the phone.

We encourage parents who may be concerned about possible homesickness to avoid making promises like, “If you can’t make it the full term, I’ll come pick you up whenever you want.” This sets the camper up for failure because he or she will have a hard time seeking personal strength and seeing their own positive growth if the camper knows he/she has an easy way out.

As youth development professionals and parents ourselves, when our campers are homesick it hurts us as much as it hurts you. We have trained ourselves and our staff in effective homesick management techniques, and our directors and senior staff are constantly supporting the staff with the implementation of those techniques.

Loving every minute of camp!

The insight shared when our first session mother said, “Maybe she is doing fine and just wrote at a moment of sadness…” is outstanding. We all have our “moments,” and we all turn to those we love and trust most during our challenging times. So think of the “sad” letter as a gift—the recognition from your child that you ARE the safe haven and pillar of strength they need…even in spirit…to help them get through this challenge and grow stronger on their own.

In the end, we received a short follow up from our homesick camper’s mom, “She had a BLAST at Sanborn!!! She is ready to go back next year. Thanks again for everything, you all are awesome!”

…and being ready to come back to camp next year?…THAT is the best (and only) cure for “campsickness” around.

Teaching By Being: How We Teach Campers

Friday, April 30th, 2010

Much of the impact we have as youth development professionals happens just because we are role models.  Campers look to their counselors for guidance, wisdom, and to learn more about the people they want to become.  The quote, “act as though what you do makes a difference,” is a perfect line for camp counselors–because who you are as much as what you do DOES make a difference.  Here is a list of 10 ways to help teach your campers essential life skills, to build a strong relationship with your camper, and to model happy, healthy, and enriching behaviors.

Summit Success on Mount Silverheels

1.  Respect:  A camper who is treated with respect at camp will have self-respect.  He will learn to cooperate and have empathy for others.

2.  Listening:  Listen to your campers’ stories, hopes, and worries.  Hear them and respond.  They will learn to listen to others.

Singing "Rocky Mountain High" at the start of a backpacking trip.

3.  Patience:  A camper who sees you are not afraid of failure, who sees you fiinish what you begin, will try, try again until he succeeds.

4.  Trust:  Keep your promises.  Your campers will be trustworthy.

5.  Work:  A camper who shares in the daily work at camp will learn to be responsible.

Practicing the art of the lasso, Big Spring Barn

6.  Honesty:  If a camper is taught and shown how to respect the truth, if he sees justice used to solve problems at home, he will know right from wrong.

7.  Time:  All children, not only at camp, spell love T-I-M-E.  If your camper owns enough one-on-one time with you each day, she will have confidence because she knows she has value.

Reading stories around the campfire together

8.  Downtime:  Give your campers time to read, reflect and dream for at least 20 minutes every day.  They will learn to take time for themselves.  They will learn to concentrate.  They will forget how to be “bored.” They will learn critical thinking and be set free to dream.

9.  Writing:  Give your camper time and encouragement to write in or draw in a journal.  Praise his efforts.  He will carry these efforts away to home and school.  He will connect writing with enjoyment and will then write with and for pleasure.

Great staff members help build great campers!

10.  Habits:  Campers need quiet time every day.  They need a good night’s sleep and regular meals of wholesome food, instead of sugar snacks.  They need to wash their hands and use good manners with everyone.  They need to be outdoors, instead of watching TV and playing video games.  Good habits make good campers.

Go Play Outdoors

Tuesday, April 20th, 2010

The research has been done.  The results are staggering.  Children spend less time in the outdoors than EVER before in human history.  And the impact of this fact will, inevitably, profoundly shift how our children, and our children’s children view their connection with and within this natural world.

West of Jesus: Surfing, Science and the Origins of Belief

In his excellent, and well-researched West of Jesus: Surfing, Science and the Origins of Belief Steven Kotler posits that “what we believe governs what we see.”  Basically, our belief systems (from religious, to spiritual, to biological, and back again) govern our perceptions—and what we perceive is the real world—Reality—is nothing more, or less, than what we believe.  Kotler’s concern, same as mine, is grounded in the current trend that has the human species moving farther and farther away from the natural world.  In essence, we are ignoring or shunning basic biological imperatives that allow us to see, to create, to value interconnections in the very natural world from which we came.

Not so, you say.  Our children (and some of us) are making connections and raising the collective consciousness through the strategic use of internet technologies, globalization, and instant access to information.  Yet in this environment of overwhelming information access, our human-animal brains are being put to the test.

Kotler frames his argument about the origins of our belief in both current and older brain research and studies.  Much of our “human-ness” comes from our ability to manage both “logos” and “mythos.”  Logos—or logic—is “information of the no-nonsense variety:  practical, clinical, scientific, secular.”  Mythos—or myth–is a “way to give meaning to events that exist beyond easy context.”    We are deeply entrenched in a culture that celebrates logos, bringing to mind the line and cultural motifs from The Matrix, “The world as it was at the end of the 20th century”.  A culture that, by and large, now shuns myth.  Myth was long believed to be an outward representation/explanation of our inner selves.   Our creation of personal “myth” explains the inexplicable, allows us to describe the indescribable, gives us the context to make sense and meaning in a world of random suffering, pain, and death.

Images of Haiti by Allison Kwesell

In the current scientific climate, however, subjectivity is out, and objectivity rules.  When we are confronted with glaring economic issues,  complex political initiatives, and public health conundrums—there are those who utilize logos in its myriad forms to find “a solution.”  Yet when those situations involve environmental paradoxes where human wants and needs trump multiple species, or when whole cities or nations of suffering humans seem to become “an issue”—that is our logos attempting to usurp our mythos.  We don’t connect, we think.

The Great Bower Bird

For all of that thinking, we are still losing ground in certain ways—and our connection with ritual is one of those.  If you watch the elaborate mating ritual of the Bower Bird during this last month’s seminal Discovery Channel series, Life , or the battle of the Giant Bullfrogs, or the painstaking (and multi-year) guidance a mother orangutan provides to her child, it becomes easy to understand that all of the natural world is governed by ritual.  And, yes Virginia, we are part of that natural world, too.

Meaning, for humans, is created through layers and layers of ritual.  This evolution of ritual eventually created a schema, or thought pattern, that made us want to know why something happened.  This desire to know why is one of the characteristics that make us uniquely human.  The “logos” sciences have helped us tremendously in this area.  I am happy to know that my toddler son’s runny nose is actually caused by a virus that my preschool son brought home and somehow shared with him (think prolific nose-picker) and not by a malevolent spirit (though I do wonder what possesses the nose-picker, sometimes…).

The cognitive imperative to seek out  “the answers to life’s persistent questions” is not only the charge of Guy Noir, it is inherent—biologically and neurologically—in each one of us.  Because of this, we have to reconnect our kids with nature because—without it–they are actually losing part of their evolutionary intelligence, health, and disrupting their neurochemistry.

Wild Turkeys on the move at Sanborn Western Camps

For example, if a child is completely disconnected from the food cycle, and has no idea that the meat in front of her was once living—or if that child knows that the sandwich she is eating was once, in some other place and time, a living, breathing turkey, yet she has no experience with “Turkey”—how will she be able to truly know to ask why. (Why am I eating this? How did this turkey live and die? Why does turkey taste so terrific?  What will happen to me when I die?)  And when she does bother to ask why, she’ll find a number of nutrition charts on line that define the essence of “Turkey” as its caloric value and place on the food pyramid…but nothing that allows her to experience “Turkey” in all of its squawking, fluffing, and preening glory. Nor will she be able to find anything that will give her the respect, understanding, and empathy toward a once living creature who has now arrived in a neatly package, hermetically sealed, plastic container on her lunch tray.

We are short circuiting our brains because we cannot make connections to the very world that has sustained us for the last 6,000 years.  Candice Pert writes in her book, Molecules of Emotion,

There is a plethora of elegant neurophysiological data suggesting that the nervous system is not capable of taking in everything, but can only scan the outer world for material that it is prepared to find by virtue of its wiring hook ups, its own internal patterns, and its past experiences.”  If our children scan the world in 50 years, and haven’t explored and played in the outdoors, then how will they ever understand its value and seek to preserve it?

The current logic and trends say they won’t….but with the continued efforts and wisdom of  camping professionals, educators, eco-visionaries, environmental activists, parents, youth development professionals, surfers, brain researchers, scientists, spiritual advisors, nature-lovers, active individuals, the health-conscious, and other progressive fields and industries—we are swinging the pendulum back to a more connected, present, and happier place: our backyards, parks, camps, natural recreation areas….our world.

The adventures never end....

Reconnect with nature.

Reconnect with others.

Reonnect with yourself.

Reconnect with wonder.

Go play outdoors.

From the Archive: Top 10 Things I’ve Learned at Summer Camp (that make me a better parent)

Thursday, April 8th, 2010

This post first appeared in April 2009 on our previous blog.

Part II

The second edition of the two part series about skills I learned while working as a summer camp youth development professional at Sanborn Western Camps. These top five are, in my mind, some of the most important tools to practice…but they are also some of the hardest parenting, and counseling, skills remember. In the end, if we screw up (which we will), a genuine apology, a good hug, and time spent together in the outdoors will make the challenges and bad feelings evaporate–and give everyone the room they need to breathe. Enjoy!

Developing a sense of Self--and style--takes time

5. Respect their individuality. Making    comparisons between children (siblings, bunk mates) is a terrible mistake. Very few of us deliberately say things like, “I wish you could be MORE like Alice…” but plenty of us are guilty of saying, “Look at how well Alice cleared the table…” with the sibling or the rest of the children filling in the end of the sentence, “…and YOU didn’t.” Appreciate each child’s unique gifts. Know each child’s unique gifts. Celebrate those gifts in a one-on-one setting, don’t put one child on a pedestal in front of any others. Don’t love equally, love uniquely.

4. Never forget: It is the ACTION, not the person, you need to modify through discipline. There are no “bad kids” only “bad choices”. It is hard to emotionally remove yourself from a situation that has you incensed…but you must. That said, it is equally essential to voice your feelings, “We all have been working as a group to stop gossiping about other campers, because it is very hurtful and damaging to our community. The rumor that you started IS hurtful and damaging. You are not a mean girl, you just made a bad choice and I want to understand WHY you made that choice.” Tantrums (pre-school or pre-teen) are an outstanding time to practice empathy, not judgment.

Wonder is everywhere

3. Kids need time to simply be themselves. To simply be kids, to simply be playing, to simply be silly, to simply be curious, to simply be grumpy, to simply be happy, to simply be thoughtful, to simply be alone, to simply be playing with others, to simply be outside, to simply be strong, to simply be scared, to simply be human. Never underestimate the power of unstructured free play in the outdoors—kids will learn more about themselves and others in that environment than during a lifetime of soccer games. Boys, mine especially, really love taking long walks outside while singing silly songs, running races, picking up pinecones, inventing games, and actually talking to their momma.

2. The ability to manage and control one’s emotions effectively is a trait that many happy, wise successful adults all have in common. Providing children tools to practice emotional management is vital for creating a healthy, well-balanced society. A parent’s job is to raise a child that she wants to “release” into the world…and to begin that slow release the day the child is born. Beware of enabling behaviors that seem like safe alternatives. Make challenging situations into positive learning experiences. Promising a homesick child she can come home if she “hates camp” before she even arrives strips her of the ability to work through a tough experience and be proud of the resilience she developed on her own is no different than promising candy if you can make it through the grocery store without a fit.

cool duds

Like father, like son, like brother...

1. 80% of what children hear and learn is what they see. Humans learn through mimicry. Kids will only be as good at these skills as you are…and parents, camp counselors, and camp professionals should never stop trying to do these things at home, at work, with friends, and with family. Because, in the end, children will see all of you faults, and love you anyway.

If you are interested in more tips from the camp world about parenting, preparing your child for camp and for life, as well as some cutting edge conversations about youth development, please continue to visit the Sanborn Western Camps blog–and also check out Bedtime Stories for Parents and parent resources on the ACA website.

From the Archive: Top 10 Things I’ve Learned at Summer Camp (that make me a better parent)

Wednesday, April 7th, 2010

This post first appeared in April 2009 on our previous blog.

Part I

Most of these lessons apply to littles, middles, and beyond...

I love summer camp. Being a camper, being a camp counselor, being a camp director, being a parent—I have made summer camp a part of my life and, now, part of the lives of my children. That said, it is remarkable how quickly you forget some of the cardinal rules you learned while you were a 20-something summer camp counselor about working with kids when your own children are in mid-meltdown about the shark show that “Daddy promised!” they could watch if they ate all of their mixed veggies. Sigh.

In order to help me regain my sanity, I have compiled a list of some of the most effective tools I have found for working with kids in the summer camp (and home!) setting, whether the kids are mine, yours, your sisters’, your neighbors, or “that kid” from down the street. I would love to hear from wise parents, youth development professionals, and other summer camp believers about kid-centric tools and techniques you find have worked for you. Since this is a two-part series, you may see some of your ideas in the next post.

10. The Power of Choice: Give kids real decision making opportunities by providing them with choices you can live with (i.e.: Do you want to clean the toilets before or after you make your bed? or What are your goals for this summer camp session? Do you want to climb a bunch of mountains or do you want to ride horses? Or Do you want to help mom set the table or do you want to make the salad for dinner tonight?). By doing this, you empower kids to take responsibility and ownership for their own actions.

"Should we play in the mud?"....Yes we should!

9. Allow kids to define their own boundaries; facilitate the boundary creation. Give them ways to “frame” things in the positive: We’re going to the zoo today, what SHOULD we do at the zoo? We SHOULD stay together, we SHOULD wait our turn to look at the otters, we SHOULD have lots of fun. And what SHOULDN’T we do?…. “RUN!” “Eat too much candy!” “Feed the lions!” “Cut in line!” “Talk back!” You quickly learn that many children, even very young ones, have a great understanding of right from wrong…and by “framing” activities before they even begin, they can more readily “own” their actions and are more willing to respond if they accidentally do something they SHOULDN’T do.

8. If conflicts do occur, make kids right about what they need to be right about. “She hit me first.” “Yes. I saw that she hit you first. Why did she hit you, do you think?” Also, in heated situations, never make assumptions. Ask A LOT of questions and remember that most kids WANT to do the right thing…but sometimes they just forget how to do it. Don’t put kids in a box that they can’t get out of—during conversations, as they are growing up, socially, etc.. A great technique for getting a kid to talk is to MOVE. Children, especially boys, can have a hard time expressing their feelings if they feel like an adult is standing there, waiting for an answer, and “pressuring” them to say something. If you can remove the child from the situation and go for a walk (ideally outdoors), the questions you ask may elicit more than the standard, “I dunno” answers.

7. When they make bad choices, assign real and timely consequences. This one takes practice and you have to know your children or campers very well in order to assign a consequence that is neither too harsh nor too lenient for the action. I will often make sure I—with the help of the kids–have “framed” the entire experience so any resulting “bad choices” already have consequences assigned (i.e.: “We decided as a group that people who don’t help with clean-up today won’t get to have any of Emily’s cake after clean-up. SO…is everyone ready to win cabin clean-up today?”). That also takes some of the emotional volatility out of the situation. If everyone knows what will happen and when, I am not perceived as being arbitrary or unfair.

Opportunities to practice leads to self-efficacy and confidence

6. Give them plenty of opportunities to practice making both good and, inevitably, bad choices. Give them a safe framework to practice in…overnight camp is an outstanding, safe place to practice decision-making. Overnight camp provides a community with multiple supportive adults who genuinely want each child to have an outstanding camp experience. Through their interactions with other adults and children, who may or may not have similar interests and experiences, kids learn how to make and keep friends, practice perseverance and resilience, and gain a better understanding of themselves…all of which helps them become wise decision-makers.

Next time, Part II! I look forward to hearing your thoughts….

Mud Season

Wednesday, March 31st, 2010

The last two days have been mountain gifts.  Lots of sunshine, temperatures in the 50s, and unspeakable amounts of mud.

There is mud in the kitchen, on the dog, on the stroller, on every pair of shoes by the door, on the sliding glass door (in hand print form), in hair, ears, eyebrows, and—yesterday—mouths.

It is mud—not green leaves or bright flowers—that signals the arrival of spring.  When we don our winter boots with our shorts (unseasonable still, yet completely irresistible) my sons know they can experience nature unencumbered by the bulky preparations of winter outdoor play…they can just GO.

And go they do.  With the 18 month old plodding along, wildly swinging one arm for balance and his five year old brother screaming down a mud slick hill on an off-road tricycle, we set off to drain the mud bog that is our driveway.  Yet draining isn’t the objective—it is sculpting, moving, plowing, splashing, diverting, destroying, floating, filling, racing, digging, plopping, and discovering the wonders of water and dirt.

How wonderful it is to stick fingers in the icy slurry of melting snow and decomposed granite to discover the very throwable mud underneath.  How wonderful it is to get stuck mid-boot, and be lifted out of your boots and unceremoniously set down in your socks in the same icy slurry (oops!).  How wonderful it is to jump so hard in puddles that mud droplets are discovered on the inside of your jacket and under your shirt.  How wonderful it is to watch your children ease themselves into the natural world like they ease themselves into their favorite sweatshirt (also covered in mud).

Sunset Magazine has an article from author Anne Lamott this month about “Time Lost and Found” in which she concludes, “What fills us is real, sweet, dopey, funny life.  I’ve heard it said that every day you need half an hour of quiet time for yourself, or your Self, unless you’re incredibly busy and stressed, in which case you need an hour.  I promise you, it is there…It is our true wealth, this moment, this hour, this day.”

To which I add, “this mud.”  Get out and enjoy it while it lasts.

~Ariella Rogge

(This post is part of the Backyard Mama Wednesday link-up.  Visit www.backyardmama.com for more information and to participate)

Bring on the Sun Screen, Not the Touch Screen

Tuesday, March 30th, 2010

View from the top of A-Bluff, Pikes Peak in the Background

In a recent survey conducted by the Kaiser Family Foundation, researchers measured a huge—but unsurprising—trend in technology use among children and teens.  At camp, we support technology use to connect our camp community during the school year, but we have a bit of a love/hate relationship with it during the summer.

When Laura and Sandy Sanborn began Sanborn Western Camps, they used to have to drive 7 miles into Florissant to use the crank phone at the post office—we got our first land line in 1955, and ceased using dial-up internet about 5 years ago.

Don’t let Verizon, AT&T, Sprint or any other cell phone providers know that—on the whole—we still don’t have cell phone service at camp.  (But if you have an in and would like to let Comcast or CenturyTel know that we have to rely on satellite internet as our “high speed” internet…please do…the 52,000 round-trip miles our email takes is astonishing).  We don’t want campers texting, emailing, watching videos, or posting photos on Facebook when they could actually be writing letters and creating art projects, chatting in the living units or on trips, or taking pictures of their incredible backcountry and camp adventures.

We want our campers to experience real relationships with real people in real time.

That said, what about the camper whose phone also works as his camera, her alarm clock, his watch, her address book, his music player, her video recorder….this is where the lines begin to blur.  We appreciate and value (as proponents of packing light!) having a device that does SO many different, useful things.  And yet we also know that these very same devices also create the opportunity to disconnect and unplug from the people around you and allow you to plug into a virtual world.  We can promise you, a quality game of Schmerltz (The World’s Greatest Game played with a sock filled with dirt) trumps any level of Grand Theft Auto any day.

Music Doesn't Always Come from iTunes

Campers need phones while they travel.  Campers like to listen to music as they fall asleep—or even better—plug their iPod into a dock and have a dance party on the porch.  Campers need alarm clocks to help them wake up for early morning mountain climbs.  Campers want a camera or video camera to document their adventures to share with their friends and family when they return home.  Campers don’t need to text or call home.  Campers don’t need to be able to surf the web.  Campers don’t need to be able to stick headphones in their ears and drown out their friends and mentors.  Campers don’t need to download and watch or download and play the latest and greatest movies and video games.

As a parent, it is a challenging position in which to find yourself.  You want your child to have an incredible camp experience, yet you also find yourself wanting them to have access to you—and you to them.  Our camp policy asks that campers turn in their cell phones and other valuables at the beginning of camp so they are not lost, broken, or are accidentally found next to the tent in 2 inches of water from the previous evening’s rain storm.  Help your child know, understand, and respect the camp’s policy.  Provide campers with inexpensive digital alarm watches, cameras, and music players.  By doing this you are also providing them with something truly invaluable: 30 days of unplugged existence.

(What would you do for something like that?)

Sitting. Thinking. Singing. Being.

Richard Louv said in Last Child in the Woods: Saving Our Children from Nature-Deficit Disorder, “Our lives may be more productive, but less inventive.  In an effort to value and structure time, some of us unintentionally may be killing dreamtime.”  We at Sanborn Western Camps believe deeply in dreamtime, in reflection, in sharing our hopes and fears, joys and triumphs, successes and failures with our friends and the unplugged community we create up here in the mountains every summer.

How Can I Promote Self-Esteem and Self-Efficacy in My Children?

Tuesday, March 9th, 2010

Proud Mountain Fisherman

What is the difference between self-esteem and self-efficacy? Self-efficacy, or empowerment, is the belief in one’s self. Children with skills of empowerment believe that they are effective in the world and have learned their strengths and weaknesses. Self-esteem is inexorably linked to self-efficacy…but our culture and society tends to promote “strong self-esteem” as a goal on its own, forgetting that in order to “feel good” about yourself, you have to “believe” in yourself and your abilities.

In our schools and families, we are quick to say, “I am so proud of you for completing your class project”—terrific words of encouragement, shared in order to promote good self-esteem—yet we should ask ourselves what we are really saying. By saying “I” or “We” we are owning the accomplishment ourselves, and not giving full credit to the child. Better to say, “How do you feel about what you accomplished?” Then the child can say, “I really worked hard to get my class project done on time, and I feel really good that I was able to help Emily with her project, too.” To which, as a teacher or parent, we can add, “You did show a great deal of dedication to accomplish the project, and you were also very generous with your time and demonstrated great teamwork and creativity when you helped Emily.”

When we perceive we don’t have time to promote self-efficacy in our children, or we think a broad blanket of esteem-enriching encouragement will suffice, we are doing our children a significant disservice. Rather than developing necessary resilience on their own, they will fall into a pattern of seeking their sense of self from outside sources. In a recent study, it was shown that kids who were distinctly told they were “hard workers” tended to be more persistent when they approached challenging tasks or new situations. Children who had been told they were “very smart” tended to become more easily frustrated or more readily quit the challenging task that was placed before them.

As parents, teachers, and youth development professionals, the staff at Sanborn Western Camps know and understand the importance of teaching empowerment and providing children with opportunities to build their own self-efficacy. By giving campers choice with their trip and activity selection, challenging them physically on mountain climbs and horseback rides, allowing them to find and define their voices and attitudes away from their home peer group, spending reflective time in the natural world, and providing them with multiple supportive adults in a tight-knit community, our campers develop internal motivation and satisfaction from their everyday accomplishments—a skill they will continue to use for the rest of their lives.

What other activities besides summer camp do you think promote self-efficacy in kids?

Mountain climbing in Colorado

Summer Camp Should Be Fun

Friday, February 12th, 2010

I just read a blog post this morning where a blogger is “taking the summer off” from attempting to find fulfilling, educational, inspirational activities for her kids. She simply doesn’t want to deal with the pressure anymore of the “right” summer program. I don’t blame her. As a parent, the pressure to “position” your child is ridiculous, and, sometimes, paralyzing.

My son is only 5 and has a hard time w/ his “k” pronunciation–I had mentioned it to LOTS of people–spouse, teacher, school speech therapist, and the like–and everyone told me to STOP being dramatic and reactionary.

Yet during his Valentine’s Party yesterday, the speech therapist came in and pulled my son and another boy out of the class to “play”. The subsequent explanation was that my son wasn’t pronouncing his “k” sound at all (shocking), and that he was “helping” another boy with his pronoun use, and boy, it was a good thing I was there so she could talk to me about it in case it didn’t improve by the end of the year and then there would have to be additional intervention/pull-out/IEP action during kindergarten.

What?

This is probably the first true crossroads moment in my mothering career: I was/am at a complete loss. I could freak out and blame the school, blame the naysayers, blame myself…or I could see it for what it is—a deficit to be worked on—and get on with it. Parents encounter these crossroads repeatedly through the journey of Human Being Facilitation/Creation/Motivation/Inspiration/Frustration/Celebration known as Parenthood.

Parents who lose sleep over what their children SHOULD do during the summer should take a deep breath and remember that it is called “summer vacation” for a reason.

In my opinion, and in the opinion of my mom, camp should just be a place where kids can be kids…away from the angst and turmoil of constant judgment, positioning, angling and other unauthentic behaviors that typically leave us confused and, at worst, paralyzed.

So, if you DO want your kids to go to summer camp this year, then let them help choose the summer camp and the program.

THEY need the break, too.

-Ariella Rogge